Funerals, more often than not, happen in the rain.
If you have an intelligent computer on your spaceship, it will probably try to kill you at some point. The same is also true for most androids.
If your vehicle dies or runs out of gas at night, it usually means you're going to die.
When running for their lives, women have poor balance.
When having a conversation with someone else in the vehicle, it is not required for the driver to keep their eyes on the road all the time. A glace once every five to ten seconds is sufficient.
If a group of children goes into the woods, they will usually make a horrific discovery. If a group of teenagers or young adults goes into the woods, they will be attacked by some kind of maniac or monster.
It is possible for any man to win the affection of any woman, regardless of how different their backgrounds or social standings, but only after a series of humorous and usually embarrassing events.
If you make a startling discovery and you share this discovery with anyone, even a trusted friend or family member, and that person responds by asking, "who else knows about this?" you should run away as fast as you can.
If you shoot a car with a gun, the car will explode. However, if you shoot a plane with the same gun, the plane will simply begin leaking fuel.
In the future, all spacecraft will come equipped with self-destruct mechanisms.
Rob Zombie's 2007 remake of the horror classic Halloween was met with plenty of skepticism. Perhaps rightfully so. Hollywood hasn't exactly been kind to the Halloween franchise over the years. And when the reviews started pouring in for Mr. Zombie's go at it, they were less than flattering. Hell, it only scored a 23% from rottentomatoes.com.
To put that into perspective, 23% is only 19 percentage points higher than what House of the Dead (Uwe Boll's insult to both gamers and moviegoers everywhere) scored from the same website, and it is actually 16 points LOWER than what Freddy vs. Jason scored.
It's hard not to be influenced by numbers like that when you go to watch a movie, but I tried. And you know what? The 2007 Halloween remake really wasn't all that bad.
Sure, it had some faults, but most movies have at least a few of those. First of all, nearly a third of the film was spent tracking young Michael Meyers. So much time was spent developing the Michael-as-a-kid storyline that, by the time he finally grows up and starts stabbing people, you almost feel like you're supposed to identify with him on some level. I don't know, maybe that was intentional. Rob Zombie did ask you to identify with sadistic murderers in The Devil's Rejects. But come on. This is Michael Fucking Meyers. He's a force of nature. You can't identify with that. And he certainly doesn't need explanation beyond "he had a real bad childhood and now he stabs people a lot."
Another thing that kind of bugged me was the sheer size of Michael in this movie. He was played by 6' 8" WCW star Tyler Mane. This was a little excessive if you ask me. I know Michael Meyers is supposed to look large and commanding, but in many of the shots, he looked like ... a professional wrestler in a Michael Meyers mask.
Yet despite its flaws, there is one major thing that this movie does right where all of the previous Halloween sequels have failed: it does a pretty good job of capturing the feel of the original. I mean, after the whole Michael-as-a-kid bit, anyway. Obviously no movie will ever recreate that feel perfectly, but this one takes a mighty swing at it.
I think the biggest reason for the poor reviews of the new Halloween is that many of the reviewers are naturally comparing it to the original. Well, you just can't do that and expect to get a fair reading. You have to view this as a standalone film in order to appreciate it. While the other Halloween sequels fail while standing either beside the original or alone, this one can stand on its own feet. Well, again, after the kid Michael part.
I guess what I'm saying is that, if you can forget that the first Halloween existed, you'll get at least two-thirds of a good movie when you watch Rob Zombie's remake. And that's better than what you get from most movies.
OK, so it's not going to win any Oscars, but Shoot 'Em Up, the Clive Owen/Paul Giamatti action flick, does deserve to be recognized. Not for being particularly good, but for being fun.
In the opening scene, the film announces its intent. After Mr. Smith (Owen) kills the first mook by shoving a carrot into his mouth and punching the root vegetable through the back of the guy's head, he says, "eat your vegetables." At that point I said to myself, ah, so THAT'S the kind of movie I'm watching.
And that's not at all a bad thing, mind you. Movies like this, in my opinion, deserve to be judged in a category all their own. If I were to score this movie up against all the other movies out there, I'd be forced to give it a D. Yet, when scored against other movies of its kind, I'd give it an A.
You see, this is the kind of movie that you can pop in, switch your brain to auto pilot, and come out on the other end convinced it was the greatest movie ever. Other movies that I think are in this category are Cranked, Kung Fu Hustle, and just about any Jackie Chan movie ever made.
If you have trouble suspending your disbelief, you'll probably not enjoy Shoot 'Em Up. The fight scenes are blatantly ridiculous, but they are consistently so. The carrot through the back of the head is just one example of this. But if you've got no trouble accepting things such as that, this movie might be for you.
The performances are pretty good, especially for an action film. Clive Owen's always a plus. Sure, he doesn't have a lot of range (or if he does, Hollywood's not letting him use it), but it's still cool to watch him fire a gun. And Paul Giamatti makes a great bad guy. He pulls off the evil, sadistic, criminal genius very well.
